i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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