living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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