So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Everclear isn't food dammit
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
