She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
