I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
