he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
