Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
