thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
