Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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