i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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