you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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