someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
