Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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