you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
