Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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