No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
