Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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