i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
