Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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