Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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