She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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