the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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