the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
