KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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