They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
