Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
