i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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