Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
