apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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