Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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