We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
