I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
