so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
