i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
