the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
