so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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