considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
