....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
