Say something about gay babies.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
