people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
