walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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