Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
