Do you still have your period?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
