That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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