why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
