I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
