She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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