I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
