we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
