we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
