I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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