90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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